


Learn To Live With the Unimaginable

by The_annoying_fangirl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Depressing, Depression, Hamilton Lyrics, I hated infinity war, I'm Sorry, No Fluff, Not A Fix-It, Peter is Tony's son, i'm going to hate end game, so freaking sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 11:44:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18031106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_annoying_fangirl/pseuds/The_annoying_fangirl
Summary: Tony Stark has lost a lot of people, but this loss is the worst.





	Learn To Live With the Unimaginable

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, but I had too.  
> Short but not sweet.  
> I'll write a fix it after this probably...  
> The sequel to Dependence is going to be one giant fix-it so you should read the series ;)

_ There are moments that the words don't reach _

_ There is suffering too terrible to name _

_ You hold your child as tight as you can _

_ And push away the unimaginable _

_ The moments when you're in so deep _

_ It feels easier to just swim down _

 

The moment Peter said his name, he knew. He turned and the look on Peter’s face only added to his certainty but he didn't want to believe it.

 

“You’re okay.” and if he was being honest, he wasn’t saying that for Peter’s benefit. He was saying it for his own. 

 

It was as if in that moment, the moment Peter faded away in his arms, none of his past mistakes and tragedies mattered anymore. He didn’t care about the weapons. He didn’t care about the aliens in New York. He didn’t care about Howard Stark and his poor parenting skills. He didn’t care about his parents dying. He didn’t care about his team betraying him and treating him as if he didn’t matter and could never succeed. He didn’t care about almost killing Bucky in a fit of uncontrolled rage cause by watching his parents be murdered. He didn’t care about Steve, his friend, almost killing him. All he cared about was Peter, Peter being gone, him failing, him never truly spending time to get to know the kid whose dust he was covered in.

 

He waited. He was next. He had to be next. It wasn't fair.

 

He let out a scream of anguish. Here he was on the dirty ground of some foreign planet covered in the remains of his son, he wasn’t even going to fight that at this point, Peter was every bit his son. Every bit the kid he wished he had spent more time with, he wished he had been able to save. God damnit if he couldn’t save the one person that actually mattered at that point then he couldn’t save anyone. Not Pepper, not Rhodey, not his old team, not the people he swore to protect.

 

It wasn’t fair- not to Peter. Peter who wanted nothing more than to protect people. Peter who was still just a kid. Peter who could’ve changed the world. Peter who was so kind and compassionate he’d risk everything just keep someone else safe. Why did Peter have to die when Tony got to live, neither of them deserved what they got.

 

_ If I could spare his life _

_ If I could trade his life for mine _

_ He'd be standing here right now _

 

The truth was, Tony didn’t care anymore. The seconds after Peter’s agonizing  _ I’m sorry  _ where he disintegrated to dust, he took Tony’s will away too. All these years of fighting and pushing despite everything that happened over and over and over despite all of the people that left him and betrayed him, and hated on him, and what did he have to show for it? Nothing. Nothing at all. So he would stay there, on Titan, and let nature have it’s way, because he was done. He was done.


End file.
